No
matter what your religion or beliefs are, spirituality does indeed
have benefits and can improve your outlook on life. I can attest to
this, so I want to share with you my story.
I
have been raised Roman Catholic my entire life. I even went to a
Catholic school from 4th grade until my senior year of high school,
so I was raised strongly in my faith. When I graduated and started
college, things somewhat changed. Not sure if it was because I
thought I was a loser in high school and wanted a new identity for
myself or what, but I became super-involved in my sorority, student
government, and other leadership and political activities. However,
they never felt as fulfilling and I always wanted more, which would
lead to me getting burnt out. These activities were practically
ruling my life.
As
for my social and dating life, I went out quite a bit and met guys,
but most of them were either drunk, creepy, or disrespectful. My
heart would always be broken and I would be hurt because guys would
fool me so many times. The only two relationships I was in during
college weren't really that great either. I also felt I had trouble
fitting in and that I really didn't have many true friends.
Sure,
I still attended mass, but I was wasn't very involved with my
church's campus ministry or my faith. I felt really lonely during
this time.
Fast
forward to the year 2012. Here's where it all starts to change.
During
the spring, I started to become interested in a guy (who will remain
anonymous). He was in a fraternity, very involved in the community
and on campus, really attractive, and seemed to be nice. He was also
Catholic, and seemed to be active in his faith. I liked that a lot
about him. However, I was very shy to approach him and I was working
off campus during the summer, so I never really got a chance to talk
to him.
During
the late summer, I discovered through Facebook that he got a
girlfriend. Yes, I was sad, but I got over it after a few days and
thought to myself, “Well, it may or may not last.” When the new
semester started up, I got to have some occasional small talk with
him whenever I saw him around. Then I learned he went to the student
mass at St. Francis, so I decided to start going again not
necessarily because of him (ok, maybe a little), but to try to give
my church another chance now that I was done with being
super-involved.
Then,
things started to take a nosedive. About two months later, I had just
gotten back from Fall Break. Since I had gotten to my class about ten
minutes early, I decided to open my Mac and check my Facebook. Guess
what I discovered on my home page?--After at least two months of
dating, my crush and his girlfriend had gotten engaged.
It
was not a joke--it was real, and I was devastated. I almost could not
breathe because I was trying to cry softly and quietly during class
and didn't want anyone to see me.
When
I got home that day, I was pretty depressed. I had previously toyed
with the possibility of “what if they got engaged?” and it had
actually happened. I wondered if I would ever find a guy decent
enough to treat me right. I also wondered when I would stop feeling
so lonely.
Call
it the straw that broke the camel's back or whatever you want, but it
led me to start thinking about other things in my life. I started
questioning myself--What had I been doing the past five-and-half
years I had been in college? Had I done anything truly meaningful?
Had I done anything for my spiritual well-being?
Then,
I started to remember what my parents would say whenever I complained
about being lonely. It was kind of like when Scarlett O'Hara in the
end of Gone with the Wind
heard the voices telling her to return to Tara after Rhett had left
her. Except it was more like this...
“Why
not go to St. Francis?” “Haven't you hung out with anyone from
St. Francis?” “I think it would be good if you started going to
St. Francis more.”
All
of a sudden, I had remembered that SEARCH (the retreat St. Francis
puts on every semester) was coming up in a few days. I told myself,
“You know what, just go to SEARCH, have fun, and try to re-evaluate
your life.”
So
I did. And it was possibly the best decision I have ever made.
I
met people I felt I could relate to. Despite going through struggles,
these people relied on their faith to help them through, and it
worked. Also, I gained a much greater appreciation for my Catholic
faith. After SEARCH, I started hanging out at St. Francis more, and
it has become my second home. I greatly cherish all of the people
here and am happy to have a friend in each of them. I am glad to be
part of a group where I feel I can truly be myself and know that
spiritually someone always has my back as much as I have theirs.
I
am no longer the same person I was a few months ago. I now know that
things, such as academic honors and special campus groups, aren't
what's truly important. What is truly important is how you are living
your life the way God wants you to. Since SEARCH, I noticed that I
have become more mature, have higher self-esteem, and have relied on
my faith much more than I used to.
Since
the Fall 2012 SEARCH was an important milestone in my life, the theme
for that SEARCH has become one of my favorite verses. Exodus 14:14--
“The Lord will fight for you. You have only to keep still.” I
love it so much because I know that God will fight for me, even in
times when things seem hopeless.
Sometimes,
if you feel things aren't going right with your life, just remember
it will get better. You just gotta have faith.
