Gotta Have Faith-Story of My Spirituality

No matter what your religion or beliefs are, spirituality does indeed have benefits and can improve your outlook on life. I can attest to this, so I want to share with you my story.

I have been raised Roman Catholic my entire life. I even went to a Catholic school from 4th grade until my senior year of high school, so I was raised strongly in my faith. When I graduated and started college, things somewhat changed. Not sure if it was because I thought I was a loser in high school and wanted a new identity for myself or what, but I became super-involved in my sorority, student government, and other leadership and political activities. However, they never felt as fulfilling and I always wanted more, which would lead to me getting burnt out. These activities were practically ruling my life.

As for my social and dating life, I went out quite a bit and met guys, but most of them were either drunk, creepy, or disrespectful. My heart would always be broken and I would be hurt because guys would fool me so many times. The only two relationships I was in during college weren't really that great either. I also felt I had trouble fitting in and that I really didn't have many true friends.

Sure, I still attended mass, but I was wasn't very involved with my church's campus ministry or my faith. I felt really lonely during this time.

Fast forward to the year 2012. Here's where it all starts to change.

During the spring, I started to become interested in a guy (who will remain anonymous). He was in a fraternity, very involved in the community and on campus, really attractive, and seemed to be nice. He was also Catholic, and seemed to be active in his faith. I liked that a lot about him. However, I was very shy to approach him and I was working off campus during the summer, so I never really got a chance to talk to him.

During the late summer, I discovered through Facebook that he got a girlfriend. Yes, I was sad, but I got over it after a few days and thought to myself, “Well, it may or may not last.” When the new semester started up, I got to have some occasional small talk with him whenever I saw him around. Then I learned he went to the student mass at St. Francis, so I decided to start going again not necessarily because of him (ok, maybe a little), but to try to give my church another chance now that I was done with being super-involved.

Then, things started to take a nosedive. About two months later, I had just gotten back from Fall Break. Since I had gotten to my class about ten minutes early, I decided to open my Mac and check my Facebook. Guess what I discovered on my home page?--After at least two months of dating, my crush and his girlfriend had gotten engaged.

It was not a joke--it was real, and I was devastated. I almost could not breathe because I was trying to cry softly and quietly during class and didn't want anyone to see me.

When I got home that day, I was pretty depressed. I had previously toyed with the possibility of “what if they got engaged?” and it had actually happened. I wondered if I would ever find a guy decent enough to treat me right. I also wondered when I would stop feeling so lonely.

Call it the straw that broke the camel's back or whatever you want, but it led me to start thinking about other things in my life. I started questioning myself--What had I been doing the past five-and-half years I had been in college? Had I done anything truly meaningful? Had I done anything for my spiritual well-being?

Then, I started to remember what my parents would say whenever I complained about being lonely. It was kind of like when Scarlett O'Hara in the end of Gone with the Wind heard the voices telling her to return to Tara after Rhett had left her. Except it was more like this...

“Why not go to St. Francis?” “Haven't you hung out with anyone from St. Francis?” “I think it would be good if you started going to St. Francis more.”

All of a sudden, I had remembered that SEARCH (the retreat St. Francis puts on every semester) was coming up in a few days. I told myself, “You know what, just go to SEARCH, have fun, and try to re-evaluate your life.”

So I did. And it was possibly the best decision I have ever made.

I met people I felt I could relate to. Despite going through struggles, these people relied on their faith to help them through, and it worked. Also, I gained a much greater appreciation for my Catholic faith. After SEARCH, I started hanging out at St. Francis more, and it has become my second home. I greatly cherish all of the people here and am happy to have a friend in each of them. I am glad to be part of a group where I feel I can truly be myself and know that spiritually someone always has my back as much as I have theirs.

I am no longer the same person I was a few months ago. I now know that things, such as academic honors and special campus groups, aren't what's truly important. What is truly important is how you are living your life the way God wants you to. Since SEARCH, I noticed that I have become more mature, have higher self-esteem, and have relied on my faith much more than I used to.

Since the Fall 2012 SEARCH was an important milestone in my life, the theme for that SEARCH has become one of my favorite verses. Exodus 14:14-- “The Lord will fight for you. You have only to keep still.” I love it so much because I know that God will fight for me, even in times when things seem hopeless.

Sometimes, if you feel things aren't going right with your life, just remember it will get better. You just gotta have faith.